Chattering about Yume Nikki, whee

*sniffle sniffle* Awesome, I've got the worst headache known to man and the worst cold known to man and dolphins. I can only assume I caught it from my friend Jen's house, since her family's got a cold too. Or maybe I gave it to them. Either way, blech, I feel really gross. Even playing with my lovely Christmas toys isn't really cheering me up right now.

And what is the best thing to do when you're under the weather?

Play a Japanese indie game known for being horribly depressing, of course!

I am of course referring to Kikiyama's brain-melting masterpiece Yume Nikki, the game where the entirety of your adventures take place while sleeping. You basically run around in the dream world of a little girl named Madotsuki, collecting different abilities and just exploring. It's made in RPG Maker, but really it's just exploring the highly-disturbed mind of a young hikkikomori. No dialog, no developed characters, no plot, no direction, and no explanation. The worlds of the dreamscape are huge and confusing to navigate, so the whole point is to get lost. And the ending is possibly the most depressing thing in the whole world. Last time I played this extensively, I had insomnia and nightmares something terrible for weeks.

This is totally the best thing for me to be playing right now.

The thing I really love about Yume Nikki, though, is the fanbase. Owing to the inexplicable weirdness of the games, there are loads of devoted fans who love coming up with theories and meanings to explain it. There's a surprising amount of beautiful artwork and fan-videos, too. I love it. For example, this one, using my favorite song.



If you like confusing mind-screwy PC games, I'd totally recommend Yume Nikki. It can be downloaded... heck, I dunno, Google it. I'm gonna go play this now.

Christmas haul

God, I do so love being the child of a relatively large and generous family. My sister and I always get lots of presents; it's awesome. This year was no different, though my sister got a metric tonne of big expensive things while I got some smaller things I value more.

New headset, thank GOD. However... it's a USB mic, and the recording quality isn't top notch. It's no better than the mic I was using before. The headphones are uncomfortable too- I may have to keep using my hideously broken headphones + mom's mic combo like before. It's a shame.

Total Immersion French-learning software. YESSSSS. I was planning on taking French as a dual-enrollment course, but that turned out to be impossible since it wasn't a distance-learning course. I am way looking forward to using this. I got Rosetta Stone (similar, but more famous) a few years back for Hebrew, but I kinda fell off the wagon on that... Hopefully French will be easier?

The Allspark Almanacs HECK YES SIR. These are incredible. There is so much insane detail and love packed into the Transformers Animated 'verse, it's just awesome. I flipped through the books at my grandma's (where we got the gifts), and I'll peruse them more thoroughly later. I already noticed Magrathea and Ork on a star map. That is insane. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy /and/ Mork and Mindy references? God, I love this so much.

Axis Powers Hetalia seasons one and two. I already saw the first season (both in Japanese and English), but the English dub of the second season is new to me. Hurrah~

Transformers Animated Arcee. I went to BotCon back in June with my dad (FABULOUS trip), and they were completely sold out of Arcee like ten minutes in. Dad apparently had to search through a toy-hunter site to find this one. I still haven't opened her, I'll do so when I'm done writing. <3

Oh, a friggin' KINDLE. I've wanted one for AGES, and now it is finally mine! I got a 25 dollar Amazon gift card for books, even. I'll hook it up to my account and download things later.

You know what, no, I do not want to finish this entry. I'm gonna go play with my toys. See ya, Blogger.

Christmaaaaas!

YEAHHHH CHRISTMAS

This vacation has been pretty great. Lots of fun stuff going on in my X-Men RP group- My character Etain brought cookies and cocoa/booze to the X-Men and the Brotherhood. The former resulted in accidental dream-crushing and tears, the latter will most likely end in everyone getting extremely drunk. Aww yeah!

My sleep schedule's been wacky lately. Stay up until 7 on Skype and Tegaki, then sleep until 4! It's been fun. Maybe too fun. I was up until 5 last night on Skype with four of my best friends, and it was rockin' cool, but I think I got carried away... I'm a sleep-deprived kid with ADD who's been eating very little and drinking loads of caffeinated drinks, up in the wee hours of the morning... Of course I'm going to get carried away and make a fool of myself. I did.

I only realized it when we were near to wrapping up for the night, but I was really, really hyperactive. Crazy. Talking too loud and too fast, making dumb jokes, generally being an idiot in my attempts to be funny with my friends. I thought it was fine for me to go nuts with them. But I realized too late that I was the only one being so hyperactive. I don't know for sure that they're annoyed with me or are uncomfortable with me now; they certainly wouldn't say as much to me because they're really great people. But I know I would've punched myself. I wish I had.

I don't want to get too specific or anything (who knows who's reading this?), but something someone said really broke my heart. It made me realize that, no matter how close I am to my friends, they're all mostly older than me. I'm the kid, the baby. The hyperactive annoying little cousin. I hate getting whiny like this but I just feel like I'm not good enough to be close to them. The fact that they're great enough to put up with me just confirms it.

Ugh. I'm depressed today.

My dad's got his apartment all set up, and it's pretty nice. It's peaceful and quiet; I can't wait to go over there to play video games with him and such. It'll be fun.

Today was my mom and dad's anniversary.

[UTAU] Sakiko Hanane -Daisy Bell

My UTAUloid, Sakiko Hanane, sings Daisy Bell. :) It's a tribute to the first computer ever to sing, and of course to HAL 9000~ <3

Well, that's just Prime

I just watched the five-part series opener of Transformers: Prime! MAN, am I ever glad for a new Transformers show. There has been a gaping hole in my heart ever since Transformers: Animated ended, and this seems to be just the show to fill it. It's not quiiiite as good as Animated, but it's just starting out and I have a feeling it'll hit its stride.

I started out unimpressed, but it grew on me a lot over a surprisingly short time. The animation is great, the characters are solid, the action scenes are BREATHTAKING, and the human mascots aren't too bad. It's a serious enough show to appeal to me, but it has some great humor here and there. Altogether, it's fabulous. Definitely catching the series proper in February.

One gripe: Please, Peter Cullen. Turn off the epic end-of-days one-shall-stand speech and talk normal. Not everything has to be said in your most dramatic swoon-inducing voice. Please make Prime emote properly.

Gentlemen.

Testing, testing.

Whoa snap, I found a new toy. Hello, Windows Live Writer! What’s a nice blogging tool like you doing on a computer like this? Very spiffy. I guess I should thank Andy for mentioning it on his lovely Slenderman wiki, otherwise I never would’ve noticed it.

Speaking of that Slenderman wiki: I don’t think I understand Core Theory. Like, at all.

Evil plots for the near future

No. Yes. Okay, I can do this. Okay. Okay. No more crying, Holly. Figuratively man up. I can make it through a couple more weeks of school. Just a couple more weeks, and then glorious Christmas break. I am totally looking forward to three weeks of time to rest, relax, and de-stress. Until semester finals, that is, but you know...

I'm thinking that, after the holidays, I'll start actively trying to lose weight. I've been whining a lot lately about my body, and frankly I'm sick of it. Time to actually do something with myself instead of sitting around being a gross fat teenager. I've been walking up to my sister's school every day to pick her up; it's a small thing, I know, but it's encouraging. One step at a time, you know. I wonder why I don't take walks more often. It's really nice being outside among the trees and the fresh air. As much as I love the internet, I think I need to take time away from it more often.

For Christmas I want a new pair of headphones. I have my eye on a really nice Logitech headset with a microphone; it looks fabulous. Hopefully the mic will be good for recording UTAU samples, because that's something I haven't done in too long. I want to record Sakiko Hanane ACT 4. Admittedly, ACT 3 wasn't too long ago, but I just feel like I haven't found Sakiko's voice yet. I think I'll try for a higher, clearer,  younger voice this time. It would suit her much better. I might also see about re-recording Haruo, since his voicebank was never finished and I think I could do a better job.

On a completely unrelated note, I have a plan. Don't anyone dare tell my sister about it. You know my sister, Michelle? Sweet, talented, wonderful 13-year-old? I love her lots. This is why I seek to scare her worse than she's ever been scared. You see, a while back, I was just getting interested in a certain internet phenomenon, and I wanted to share it with my sister so she could be terrified with me. Yes, I introduced a helpless child to Marble Hornets. Muahahaha keikaku doori etc etc etc.

My plan is to get my hands on a blank mask. You can see where I'm going with this. I want to make myself a replica of the Masked Man's Mask to creep my sister into oblivion. I just don't know where I could get the mask. I'm thinking of looking in Michael's (a craft store) for one, but I don't know... Maybe there's a costume store nearby? I wish I could drive so I wouldn't have to get a parent to take me. Dad's been away a lot, and Mom is sick with a cough, sore throat, and lost voice. Curse me for being so young and inept!

Any ideas?

Participation

Dammit. Why do I always miss out on everything? I want to play too. I'm always on the other side of the window, watching everyone else have fun. I'm too shy and self-conscious. I hate it.

I just... Augh. This is always how it is. Every single cool thing and wonderful community I come across, I want to get involved in and never have the courage to do it. I just watch, hating myself and wishing I could be like the cool kids and sit at the cool-kids table. Because that's where everything COOL is, right? And even when I do get involved, I'm a selfish little brat and never notice. Grass is always greener etc etc

I just want to be involved in something. I'm lonely on the other side of this window.

Late-night blogging

Well, actually it's only 8:46 pm, but it's late enough for this house.


I'm all set up upstairs next to a big window looking out over the front of the house. It's a really lovely neighborhood- Big trees, gardens, and Christmas lights; the latter of which I can enjoy in their full glory due to night having already fallen. It's just so pretty out. I want to go outside and take a walk or something, but it's too cold for that. Maybe if I did, the cat would follow me.


There's a little stray cat that likes to sleep in Nanny's garden. She's white with black patches, so that's what I call her- Patches. She's adorable, but loves to meow really loudly for food. Becky doesn't feed her lest Patches get all attached and needy, and anyway the house down the street does feed her, so it's all good. Patches is really friendly and often waltzes right up to me and lets me pick her up and hold her. I'm aware that it's not good practice to cuddle strays, especially when one has two very fragile indoor cats at home, but guuu Patches is so adorable and sweet, I love her. I wish Becky would adopt her, but there's already two cats here. :C


Everyone has already gone to sleep, so it's all quiet and dark here. I jump every time I hear the leaves outside rustle. It's a bit lonely. Ah well, I'm gonna be here all day tomorrow, so I'll get to hang out with Nanny, Becky, and Theresa then. I'll probably help put their Christmas lights up.


I think I'll go stare out the window into the darkness poetically for a bit.

Whoop

Going over to my grandma's house to spend the night, since my dad and sister are going down to Miami to see a Miami Dolphins game. It's gonna be awesome, I'm sure, and I'd love to go- but it's really my sister's thing. I don't get football at all. I kinda prefer hockey, really.

Nanny has a few computers at her place, so I may be around for a bit. Mostly, however, I plan to enjoy a lovely evening in the most peaceful, comfortable place in the world. I love Nanny so so very much. <3 My two aunts and my cousin also live over there, but they all get along really well. The house is just always so comfortable and warm. I wish my home were like that.

Oh, and by the way! My dad gave me this wicked-awesome Star Wars poster he found while he was cleaning out his closet, along with his collection of Star Wars novels and his green plastic lightsaber. God, my father is a geek; I love that man.

He knows I'm a Darth Maul fan. <333 Zabrak = awesome. Pardon my amazingly awful photography skillz.

Anyway, see you later, internet! I'm gonna spend the rest of the night staring out the windows into my grandma's garden <333

What's this?

It seems I was added to the list of potential Slenderblogs on Unforums!


Oh man, you guys, I'm grinning like a maniac over here. This is absolutely way too hilarious. No, this isn't a Slenderblog. I'm no good at those; I've tried. (No one will ever see my attempt. EVER.)  I can see how y'all would come to the conclusion, though, since I've gotten Slender-nerd all over the place. I assure you, that's just me being me. Haha. Not that I wouldn't absolutely love being involved in Slendershenanigans, but I don't think I have the ability nor the patience to start some shenanigans myself.


I am so tempted to be all vague on this so people will keep wondering. Oh, the mystery! The intrigue! But I love you Unfiction folks too much to pull a stunt like that. No, Harmonic Paradox is and always will be Holly's personal blog.


Not that I mind the free publicity, of course.

Oh, by the way, I drew fanart

Seeking Truth fanart, in fact. That blog was amazing and inspiring to read. Zeke Strahm is my hero. Keep fighting, man! :)

Ahem, yeah, Seeking Truth fanart. It's intentionally very simplified and scribbly; meant to resemble Lizzie's drawing on the wall of her home. I love the scene depicted by that drawing. I think I would like it as a poster.

You know, minus the two injured people... <:(

Slendy's Watching Me

Uguuuu why is this so cute. ;____; Oh, Iroha. Oh, Slendy.

The creator of the song has agreed to send me the MIDI file to this, so I'm gonna do a cover of this with one of my UTAUloids! 8D Eeheeheehee I am so excite.

Relevant to my interests

Just finished watching Tribe Twelve. This was the first thing I thought of. Well, as soon as I finished hyperventilating and freaking out.

New theme, yay

Changed the background of my blog. The orange stuff was pretty, but it looked gross when you could only see the parts of it that were covered by my half-opacity black column, and since my browser windows are usually pretty small, that's all I'd see. Since no one else is reading this, I guess my thoughts are all that matter as far as appearance goes, huh?

Instead I have chosen a purpley-pink-fading-into-orange thing. It's also very pretty, and less gross-looking when a layer of half-opacity black is on top of it. I haven't even looked at the pictures in the background gallery that aren't part of the abstract category. I loooove abstract photography like this. It can add a lot of atmosphere without being too busy or distracting the way regular photos can be.

But then, I haven't looked at anything in the background gallery besides abstracts, so I dunno. Maybe they've got some really perfect wallpapers in there. I should look, but... I'm so lazy. Plus, I'll be going to school in a few minutes. I'll just settle for not knowing, I guess.

I wish I could access Blogger at school, but this and all other blogging sites are blocked. So is Youtube, Twitter, Facebook, any and all game websites, etc etc etc. Since we're on computers all day in every class, it's pretty easy to get distracted, so they do all they can to keep us on task. Of course, we're teenagers. Where there's a will to procrastinate, there's a way. I personally don't want to use proxy servers and whatevertheheck my fellow students have been using, but sometimes I'm just tempted. Like when I have no more work to do and I want to catch up on blogs. :( I get twitchy when I have no idea if anyone's updated. Internet addiction, woo!

Speaking of addiction, I ought to post in my Tegaki E roleplay group soon. Urgh. I totally want to, but I always get nervous about my art... Tegaki E is a site where you draw blogs and artwork straight into a Flash-based drawing app similar to Paint with a mouse or pen tablet. People often start groups for art roleplay and such. I'm in two of these: An X-Men OC roleplay, and a Megaman Classic roleplay. I'm extremely inactive in the latter and I've come to accept that, but the former...

I'll blog about my X-Derp pals next update when I get home from school! It's time for me to go.

Gotta bounce!

Metrocon plans

HA HA HA, yeah, it's me again, posting for the third time in a day because I don't like that big ugly angsty rant being at the top of my blog. So what shall I talk about that's a big happier, hmm?


I plan to go to Metrocon in July with my friends from school- Jasmine, Molly, and Jaquelin. It'll be the second anime convention I've been to, the first being ShadoCon last month. It's pretty amazing. We'll all be cosplaying, of course. I plan to go as America from Axis Powers Hetalia. I went to ShadoCon as Canada and lemme tell you, that costume apparently has invisibility powers because nobody noticed me at all. Depressing. So my plan is to be America this time- that way, I get to be as loud and obnoxious as I want! This plan is genius!


I told Jasmine this, and her response was, "What about the other two days we'll be there?" Yeah, apparently she plans on having three costumes each for all four of us, one for each day. Bullcrap. I am not going to work for months on three costumes and only wear them each one time. Way too much work for too little time to show it off. But Jasmine is convinced that she can somehow make it work, even though really she's an inexperienced cosplayer. So am I, for that matter. So are Molly and probably Jaquelin. We're a bunch of newbies at this whole con thing.


Molly and Jasmine keep pestering me about my costumes at school. Hey, you should be Tamaki from Ouran! Hey, you should be Yuuki from Gravitation even though you don't watch that! ghdsfhsg it's irritating. Those two, I swear. I'm glad I introduced them; they're great friends. Since my schedule got flipped around at school, it's been just them at lunch. I'm glad they work so well together. Jaquelin doesn't go to our school, though, and I've only met her at Molly's birthday party. I look forward to seeing her again.


I really don't know how I'll put together my America costume. Mom refuses to let me get a boy-haircut (she says I'll look like a lesbian OTL), so I'll have to use a wig. They have bunches of well-made America wigs out there, so it should be fine. But the actual costume? Well... He wears a leather jacket with black fur trim and the number 50 on the back, and a tan military outfit. The uniform shouldn't be too hard to pull off; what I'm worried about is the jacket. That'll be difficult. It can't look cheap, you know? It has to look real and natural. Like something a real person would wear.


I'm tempted to hope for getting a premade costume off cosplay.com or something, but those are expensive and hard to get the sizes right. Last time I ordered one of those, it was a Sakura Haruno costume and it was wayyy too small. :(


Anybody have any advice for a newbie cosplayer?

In which Holly is a nerd about Slenderman

Hah, gotcha, this blog actually has basically nothing to do with music. My headphones are b0rked so I can't really listen to any at the moment, I'm useless at composing it, and... Well, yeah. I've always been  fond of the words "Harmonic Paradox", though, so it's good enough for the title of my personal blog.


This is actually the first really personal blog I've ever made (totally not counting the one I used to write yaoi fanfiction when I was twelve. Ughhhh.). Other than this I have a Twitter (which I spam with useless things) and a Tumblr (which I less frequently spam with useless things.) And I guess there's also my UTAU blog, but that's more of a general information base for my UTAUloids than it is a blog. Haven't updated it in months anyway.


So aside from UTAU, what do I like? Video games, anime, writing... I absolutely LOVE writing. Usually short-fiction and such. I might post some here. NaNoWriMo is officially over now. I... didn't complete my novel like I meant to. I tried, I really did, but partway through it became apparent that I picked the wrong story, the wrong style, the wrong everything- and I had overplanned so much that I had no room to breathe and let my story be flexible. It was a disaster. My best online friend Ritz completed hers, though! All 50,000+ words by November 30th! I'm still reading through her novel, and it's awesome. I wish I had the patience and ability to stay dedicated to a project.


If there's anything I lack, it's an attention span. I fully expect to write several lengthy blog posts here for a few days, and then just disappear. That's how it usually goes. I probably won't use this account at all in a while, aside from commenting on other blogs.


Speaking of other blogs, my current obsession is reading Slenderblogs. Yes yes slenderman back out now holly you're gonna die etc etc. This ain't that kind of blog, folks. I'm really fascinated by the entire Mythos. The legend, the blogs, the pictures, everything! I can't say exactly why- it may be because I'm just generally an /x/phile fanbrat with a love for the paranormal, but this whole thing is something a bit more. What gets me is the whole community thing, all these people working together, writing, blogging, creating and weaving a legend together! And I'm watching it happen! It's so cool!


I kinda wish I could get involved in it, but I'm bad at writing fake blogs and I can't creep people out worth crap. And I've never actually seen a tall guy in a suit outside my window, of course. Haha. *knock on wood*


I'll just watch and enjoy the ride, I guess!